The wrong things are important.

I've been feeling artistically stifled lately. And a friend on Facebook made a comment, after I listed a bunch of important things I had to do instead of paint, that maybe the wrong things are important. He was right. And those things didn't even make it on the list.

I hate to admit it. I've had a ton of fun being a circus freak and redefining myself as a musician, but the expense for this fun has quite literally been my artwork. There's just been too much going on. My time with Circus Bacchus is drawing to a close soon, I'll be calling it a done deal after this next show. I had tons of fun. But I really miss my babies (all the embryos). And I need to get back on the horse and paint some more.

Portland is looking like a real possibility for relocation, followed closely by San Francisco and trailed eminently by Tucson. We'll see how it goes! Whatever happens, by June I will be out of Flagstaff and on to bigger and better things.

So long, small town. It's been... something.

Update

It's finally Spring! No more snow or frosts this year. I've planted squash, beans, and carrots. We'll see how they turn out. I'm hoping to receive tomato plants from my friend Esther once they get big enough. We have mint taking over one of the planters, green onions, sage and cilantro. Good eats!

I'm gearing up for Fairyworlds in Eugene, OR. Natasha, Maria, a few others and I will be manning a booth and selling all manner of wonders and trinkets. There will be art, masks, jewelry, books, clothing and more! Fun for all!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mostly about my current direction. Circus is taking over my life and I didn't want it to, so after this performance season, I'll be scaling it back significantly. The only performing I'll be doing will be with the band. Fire up in Flagstaff is just too much of a hassle. I'll be learning some new and interesting skills like fire meteor, dart, and fire breathing/eating. And I'll be keeping up with the juggling. But just to dabble. Maybe something awesome will come out of these experiments, but I'm not banking on it. I just want to have fun with it. More trumpet, more painting, less stress, happy Kim.

I'll be celebrating my 1 year anniversary in a couple weeks. My how time flies when your in love. : )

I can't wait until my self-imposed 2 years is up on my job. I'm ready to be more creative and actually get paid real money for what I can do.

Diabetes management is improving. I discovered to my dismay that all the ratios in my insulin pump were completely off and I have been working to get things back on track. Vision is improving with my blood sugars, and I've hooked up with an excellent diabetes educator who doesn't scoff at my dreams of curing my disease or participating in clinical trials to that end. The next step is finding a like-minded endocrinologist (a requirement for most of the clinical trials). I think I may be conducting interviews for that position. I really want my new doc to be on board for curing me, not treating me. I have faith.

On the injury front, I've started light work-outs that include stretching, balance and equipment-less exercises (push-ups, crunches, pull-ups, etc.) that use my body as its own weight system. I've decided to track my progress and see how I improve month to month. Maybe I'll be a flier yet! Stretching and moving feels really good. I'm doing it right.

I'm donating a painted adirondack chair to my Mom's Soroptimist Club for a raffle in Phoenix. It's a desert-scape with prickly pear cactus. I'll be painting it today. I had another, more epic idea, but she told me to stick with something simple. Next year, I'll be painting it a Dia de los Muertos theme with a skeleton mother and a skeleton embryo and flowers and bright colors and yay!

Motorcycle, gallery showings and paintings are in the works.

End of line.

Update and Plans

So, as you've probably guessed, I've been out of the neck brace for some time now. Muscle pain is almost nonexistent and my muscles are coming back in. Poi helps a lot, but I've lost all of my strength and using my heavy practice rigs is now a workout!

Circus and band are coming right along. It appears that I've caught them at an interesting time when they're starting to be sought out for gigs and formalizing the ranks and becoming an actual performance troop. Very exciting indeed. I'm going to be in an acrobalance act, a fire breathing/eating act and a fire poi act. I've got music for most and have started choreography for none... Shows appear to be during the summer, so I have a little time.

I've also accidentally developed a sad clown character. Her name is Crispy, and she'll play with fire. Kindlin Stokes continues to be my main stage presence though.

I profoundly miss modeling. I crave the meditation time and never seem to find the time to sit for 3 hours and think, which is what that work became for me.

Spring Fever. I has it. And along with it, the desire to do a detox. I think I'll try one for 3 weeks starting in April. This time I'll take the supplements and get the body work and do the exercises and the special hygiene things (scrubs, skin-care, aromatherapy, etc.) I'll feel fabulous when I'm done. : )

I'm trying to manage my time better, it's coming along... Slowly... This is an ongoing problem that I need to address.

In art, I'm trying to make more time, and I'll be tricking out part of the garage to make a studio for painting and outside sorts of art activities. I'll probably use it as a drying room too, away from the pets.

Blood sugar control never ceases to amaze me. I've been keeping better track for a week now and I can already read street signs from the car again. The world is a lot bigger when I can see the trees on the peaks and the leaves on branches across the street. I'm also feeling a little more energetic. Not that any of this surprises me, but I think I'd like to see how far I can take it this time and actually be well for a while. I'm tired of being sick and injured.

I'm very tired today. Stayed up late to pick my sister up from the train station. Really late. I think I'll be nice to myself when I get home and take it easy.

Angst and Progress Report

So, I've been having these PTSD panic attacks while riding in cars and traveling at high velocities... I've never had this problem before and it's making me very unhappy. I'm not too sure what to do about it. And it's putting me in a rotten mood.

No more angst.

I'm getting the creativity bug again. I think it's time for some epic painting! And I found another gallery in Flagstaff where I could potentially display my work.

I'm currently reading 10 books.

I'm set up for learning fire breathing and eating as soon as it gets warm outside and the wind dies down! And I'll probably be performing it as an act in late summer! Exciting!

I'm also seeing some improvement in my blood sugars. Hopefully I'll be able to achieve my goal of a Hemoglobin 1Ac score of 8 by the end of the year.

Lastly, I landed an illustration gig yesterday! It's for a series of science oriented children's books on nature and natural forces. I'll explain more once I get more familiar with the material. : )

Update

Finished the first knitting project I ever started. It's a short scarf with yellow buttons. : )

I've been out of the neck brace since the 10th. And it's been SO nice. I'm recovering quickly and have lost a bit of strength and muscle, but there hasn't been much pain aside from stiffness.

I begin work again full time next week. Yay paycheck!

I've made a rag tag list of resolutions to guide me through my next year. Very few are physical goals, but I can make those once my body is in working condition again.

Read 5 Classics

Read 5 books from personal library

Circus Bacchus Act Posters

Love Paintings

Kris' Angels

Elementals

Burn Unit Story and Character Sketches

Geb & Nut (legend in Burn Unit universe)

Finish 2 video games

Kitten Head Paintings

Beanie the Premie

Mittens, Chessie, Ginger, Mica

Finish Character Backgrounds

Sculpt a little

Knit a bit

Go to 2 raves

Rebuild lost strength

More trumpet

Bike (later in year)

Hip Hop Dance Class (later in year)

Save monies

A1c 8 or lower

The Verdict...

...is in.

The neurologist says that I have to keep the brace on until mid January. On the bright side, I'll be able to skip to the front of all the lines at Disneyland.

My trigger finger was helped, but not cured by the first shot. I suspect a second shot is needed. Not thrilled.

This week I'll see another doc about the nodule they found on my thyroid. Hopefully it's nothing. My Mom has one too so I'm not too worried.

I got moved into the big office at work! Now I'm in the room with all the other graphic designers. : ) It's not a promotion or anything like that, they just have room now.

Speaking of work, The Print Raven won Best of Flagstaff this year in the category of "Best Print Shop"! We didn't even advertise for the competition this year and we ended up winning. We rock.

Being back at work is hard on my neck, but I'm settling back into the routine again just fine. The doc told me to only work part time and not to do any lifting or bending. So I'm confined to my desk except for a few production tasks like binding, laminating and copies (as long as they're not heavy once they're done).

I'm looking forward to my move. Lots of painting space. And I have lots of new ideas for art, mostly involving Circus Bacchus publicity and print design. But paintings are coming to me as well. I know I've been complaining that I don't paint enough. I think all the painting space in the new house will fix that. They have a room with a south wall that is mostly windows looking out into a pretty back yard, perfect for natural light.

Lance Horton, the guy with the gallery in Winslow, will be picking up my Brain Babies for display on Wednesday. I can't wait for them to be up again! And I'm stoked that they'll be displayed in a tattoo parlor. That alone makes the distance worth while. The best part is that he's understanding about the car and willing to pick stuff up from me.

Onward and upward and toward the New Year!

Pears and Diabetes Re-education

It's pear season! I love pears. Pears are my favorite fruit. My other favorite fruit is pineapple, but it's never really pineapple season in Northern Arizona. : )

My favorite breakfast lately is, a bread-thing (roll, croissant, etc.), a bit of cheese, and a pear! Which, I have learned, is exactly what my silly diabetic self should be having for breakfast.

Which leads into my trip to the doctor yesterday. I visited a diabetes educator at North Country Health Care and learned that they lied to me in my childhood. I had been taught many things about my condition that simply aren't true, and have never been true. First of all, the glycemic index, while an excellent tool for overall health, has absolutely no bearing on what I should be eating as a diabetic. It's good for helping me pick foods with higher fiber, but that's about it where I'm concerned.

I also learned that my impression of "simple" verses "complex" carbohydrates was fallacious and I have been tragically misinformed this whole time. These terms do not refer to the structure of the carbohydrate, as I had originally thought; they refer to the availability of said carbohydrate. An example! Carrots have very little carbohydrate value raw, they have complex (hard to extract) carbohydrates because of all the fiber, and one cup is about 5 grams of carbohydrate. But when you boil them to mush, they have simple (readily available, easy to extract) carbohydrates! And a one cup serving goes up from 5 to 15 carbs! This is why, apparently, nutritionists like to demonize carrots. But they're still very good for you, and the cruder the better. The more raw and full of fiber, the less available the carbohydrate, and the more "complex" it is.

I learned that fiber is a very useful tool for stabilizing my blood sugars. Something I had never thought of before. I learned that having balanced meals and burying very sugary foods within the whole meal is better for blood glucose stability too. So if I want a piece of cake for dessert, I should eat it in the middle of my meal to avoid a spike in my sugars! I'm for it! "Life is uncertain, eat dessert first." Or in the middle of the meal.

I also learned a bunch about starchy vegetables, which had been a big gray are for me all these 15 years. And at the end of the appointment, I was gifted with a brand new glucose meter that promises $30/100 test strips! This means I can start testing my blood glucose regularly and get rid of my inflammation problems, which may be directly related to my poor diabetes control (why didn't I think of that before?...).

Also, I would just like to say, that the doctors at North Country Health Care are wonderful people. It's been so long since I've had a medical professional treat me like a human being. They see I have no insurance and they turn up their nose and won't look me in the eye when they condescend. But at North Country, they don't do that. They treat me like a human being among human beings. It is so refreshing to have my faith restored in the humanity of health care.

On the art front, I want to explore the idea of taking a few days off of work to paint. The paintings are commissioned, and I know the pay-off will cover the lost days of work. Or maybe I should try to get myself in gear after work and just paint then... Thinking, thinking...

G is for Gallery, H is for Hermit

There is a tattoo shop in Winslow that will be opening up soon. We did some work for the owner, Lance, in the print shop and after viewing my fabulous facebook gallery "Brain Babies", he offered to show my work there! As soon as it opens, I'll be able to put some of my work up for viewing and sale. Happy! I'll let you all know more as I find out.

I've been reading this really great blog called The Hermitage, by Rima Staines. It's about fairytales, folklore, artmaking, nomadic lifestyle, and all sorts of other delicious things with which to feed your mind. It's beautiful in every way possible, and you all should take a gander if you haven't already.

Before my next gallery showing, I think I shall need to make a few more paintings. Wish me luck!

Artings

The latest creations from my mind-womb!!!!!

"Java Baby"

"Water Baby"

"Oil Baby"

"Monthly."

"Moon Time"

I'm considering these sketches for future paintings. I've made stickers out of most of them. Let me know if you'd like some. : )

Update and Burbling

Wow, so work has been so hectic that I haven't been able to produce any stickers for, like, a month now. Yay school starting. Apparently this is our peak season. At least it'll calm down soon.

I'm seriously considering the purchase of a vinyl cutter. They're expensive, but I really like it as a medium. I have plans. So many plans. *evil grin*

I have a girlfriend, her name is Laura. : )

She made me a bento lunch today that included a big rice piggy and little hot dog piglets! So full of cute! And made with love. You know how sometimes you can totally tell that your food was either happy or made with love? You eat it and it nourishes your soul and your body. I started my lunch happy and ended it laughing because I could feel the love. :D Best lunch evar! Thank you my dear! I'll post a pic later.

I've been artistically constipated. I haven't done anything in a really long time. It's time to get painting. And knitting. And sewing. And sketching. Anything...

The problem I've run into has to do with my energy level. It's non-existent. I've been trying to counter it with a little mind-over-matter exercise. I wake up, frown, and my first thought is "I'm tired, I want to sleep more, this sucks." I'm making a concentrated effort to wake up, smile, say an affirmation, and think "I'm awake, I'm happy, today is awesome!" It has produced good results so far, actually.

My dreams have been very vivid lately. One involved visiting Atlantis and seeing their water accumulator tower; it pulls water out of the atmosphere using polarity and drips it into a lake, all pure and drinkable. There is a force field that keeps contaminants out. If a large enough organic body falls in (ie. Me or another person), it teleports it onto a platform that is like a dock running out into the center of the lake. For the record, teleporting is SUPER FUN!

My inquiry into Hinduism had produced some interesting results. The more I research it, the more I am drawn to it. Not the Hare Krishna movement, but the religion as a whole. It is full of light, balance, love and tolerance. Not just tolerance, but understanding and acceptance. Cool stuff, and the deities are super cool.

I have a big happy today. : )

My cat caught his first bird a week ago! I was very happy for him, and he seems to have perked up a little since then.

I have an awesome potted vegetable garden now! It is doing well. Hopefully it will produce zucchini before the frost. There are tomatoes also, and lettuce and peas. Herbs too. Om nom nom.

I'll try to sell Argentina this weekend. My car and I have had some good times, but now we must part. I'll see how well I do with for sale signs and leaving it in a visible place before I go with craigslist.

I'm in Circus Bacchus as their official fire tech (LOL!) and I'm now the trumpet player in the Circus Bacchus Band! I'm having tons of fun with them and I'll start learning new skills soon. Juggling and fire staff are on the list. And I think I'll be able to coordinate group fire routines too.

I tried disc golf. I LOVE it.

That's all I can think of for now!

Smallish Update

I've been doing a TON of sketching lately. Mostly on the circus stuff. Which clued me in to a gigantic problem that's developed, probably over the last couple of years. My hand for the human figure has atrophied alarmingly. I mean, I can't even draw coherently these days. The reason I've been doing so much sketching is because that's all I can do!

In lieu of this, I've started a figure sketchbook. I'll be going through all of my Bridgeman books on figure drawing and human anatomy and movement, trying to recover the skill I've lost over the past couple of years. I'm begining with "Constructive Anatomy", the unofficial textbook for one of the most important figure drawing classes I took in college. That class helped my perspective a lot, but is responsible for half of the problems I currently have with the figure. Seriously, it should be a year-long class. The problem is that it takes you through the entire figure and then the semester ends, and you're left without adequate time to practice ALL that you learned. Half of it slips away over winter break, and then it's on to painting (which I took a whole YEAR late).

So, most of my figurative projects will be put on the back burner until I've addressed the problem of regaining my hand. Until then, I have plenty of painting to do!

Also, this is cool... mrdoob.com/projects/harmony/

Plans for Return

Okay, Flagstaff has cemented itself into my list of bus stops, once I get the bus. I'll definitely be sad to leave this time. That's unexpected, and welcome.

The plans for my return to Tucson art-wise are as follows:
- Finish the 4 element panels
- Begin first painting in Love series
- Start sketching characters for the Circus series
- Illustrate that neat comic book manuscript for fun
- Do Kristi's angels
- Buy caps for spraycans

Unartistic Plans:
- Pay off parking ticket
- Trim my material fats for the move
- Temp. Agencies
- Sell car
- Pay off CC debt
- Buy motorcycle? or wait until I find work in CA
- Once I have an address, switch phone # and be local
- Find work in CA and apply before leaving AZ

The current fantasy is 7 pieces and prints for the show. My finger kinda killed my momentum, so the last 3 pieces will be finished after the show. Mr. Pinky says that I need rest and relaxation. And when fingers begin to speak to one, one must heed them. I'll have the 7 scanned tomorrow, make labels, business cards, an inventory sheet, and prints of the pieces. Booya.

In Flagstaff, I will do lots of hanging out downtown, tea drinking, drawing, and reading. I'm also going to hijack one of the cars and go to Sedona on Imbolc and the Grand Canyon. Chief Yellowhorse loves me, his signs say so, and maybe he'll cut me a break on jewelry costs. I'll be there for 2 weeks.

My next few projects will be a commentary on love. It will be cynical and sensual. I'll need some models... I think I know who to ask for a couple of them, if they're game. Excited! I think I'll try for 4 total.

Mr. Pinky says...

7 pieces down, 3 and change to go. Maybe.

I cut my pinky open today. Mr. Pinky is very sad after his 7 stitches. I broke a wine glass while washing dishes. It slipped and rebounded into my hand. Fatty tissue resembles yellow caviar. Who knew? At least it was my non-dominant hand!

I don't think it'll get in the way of my painting. But the deadline (originally tonight) has been moved to Tuesday.

I now have to get scans of the paintings, print business cards, format and print labels, and stencil some t-shirts.

Crunch time.

Here's the front! I designed the front and the back. It was really fun, especially the drippy paint part. I wish the dates showed up better, but it's okay for a rushed job. All the information is on the back anyway.

The printers at Print Raven in Flagstaff were very impressed with my RePiet Massage logo. It got me a space on their list of referals for freelance graphic design. Which basically means that if they have a client that needs some design work, they'll send them my way. : )

Backgrounds will be finished today. Foregrounds will be finished in the next 2 weeks, hopefully allowing for a week between finished pieces and the show. Woot! (So should have started this in November...)

Update

I've been commissioned for graphic design for my sister's company Repiet Massage. Hello monies! Also, my parents commissioned me to finish a 4 panel painting for them. More monies. Lots of them. Getting paid for art is GOOD!

Other than that, I've got a flier to design for the Lulubell show. It's all catching up to me and I'm ridiculously behind. Oops...

Symphony of the Procrastinators...

Also, I think I'm going to do a project with sugar skull art. The end product will be one skull for every person I've known that has died. Upwards of 15 skulls... They'll probably end up looking like tribute tattoos, but I'm okay with that. I'd like to specify, I'm not making sugar skulls, just drawing them. Actually making them will be a project for a later date.

A New Old Conclusion

I did some math today... And I came to the conclusion that I could very easily quit my part-time position at Hot Topic and sell my hand-bound books instead. The income would be exactly the same, and if I could sell about 15 books per month, I'd probably be making more money than I do there. That and I'd only have to work a couple days per week on the merchandise, the rest is shipping and checking email. The trial run will happen in December. I think I'll start with 10 coptic style books with plain white pages bound in plain white covers; maybe I'll draw something interesting on the covers (maybe embryos, stencils?).

I am waiting on shirts to test the stencils out from a friend that I'll see soon.

It's time to begin painting. I'll get 2 out of the 4 elemental panels done for my father's birthday and the other 2 for Christmas. After the initial 2 are done, I'll start working on the 4 (possibly 3 now) embryo paintings.

Up up and away!

It seems to me, that the cosmos is finally urging me to make my own way in life. In everything I do, there's this underlying necessity to do it my way, my pace, my speed, in my time. The time is now, the speed is whatever I choose. There's a feeling of freedom in all of it, but there's also a feeling of sadness. The road, if I make it my own, will be lonely and rough, but fulfilling. I'm starting to realize that no matter what I do in life, it has to be alone. All of my decisions and life goals involve long periods of solitude and independence. And that is just so I can fulfill my goals.

Some examples include, the bus/traveling, being an artist, owning my own business, curing my disease. All of these things are extremely personal, extremely one-sided journeys. All of these things are goals that I need to achieve for myself, all by myself.

I could go so far as to say that no one gets it and no one understands, so how could they help me... But that would make me bitter and resentful. And I'm not. All I feel is the calm that comes with the resolve that I'm in it for the long haul and that I must perservier, on my own, and make my own quiet victories within myself. I stare destiny in the face and I know what I have to do.

I look at my life and I know that I am ready to take the next step forward. On to a new place, a new way of life and new friends. And it will be so much easier to be who I have to be without the history so deeply ingrained in where I live now. I'll move on and no one will know anything about me except my present self. It makes me happy to think about how easy it will be to be myself around these new (or old and just out of touch) people that I'll be around.

New me, new place, new perspective; and then new love and new life.

In lieu of all of this, I will begin looking for jobs in Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco in December. I'll state my availability for April at the earliest (giving myself time to wrap up the show which will end the last day of Feb.), unless I get a freakishly good offer for a full-time with benefits. I'll continue to downsize myself for the impending move and I'll take it all as it comes. And keep aware that it is, in fact, coming soon.

The art update is as follows... I've contracted some kind of creeping crud plague cold sickness thing. So the work has become slow. I have the skirt for my costume done, and I've done an uncolored sketch of Deva. I've also mapped out 3 stencils going on 4 (or 5 if you want to separate colors). I think the stickers are completely bunk at this point, I just can't afford them. Perhaps a simplified version would be cheaper. The costume is about a week from being finished, and I only have a couple of days... We'll see what happens...