The subject is illusive...

I'm not sure what I'm doing on this blog, but I feel like my best writing happens when I'm thinking about positive things. It's hard to do. There is a lot going on that is NOT right in myself, and even more that is NOT right in the world. It's easy to get bogged down by all that is wrong with the world. But there are news websites to indulge that, let's try to find something positive in this stormy sea of house fires, school shootings, fraud, robberies and rampant destructive capitalism...

Here's something.

I almost cried during Christmas dinner. But it's not what you think! I consider myself to be blessed in a way. (All positive blogs should start this way.) I have a great family. My family is my lighthouse in dark times. I know if I ever falter, my family will be there to right me. If I fall, they'll catch me. If I fail, they'll be there to support me. Good times and bad times, my family has been there to sustain me. I am lucky.

Most Xmases, I get together with my family. We open presents, have dinner, share stories, just be together. It's nice. We don't fight, we have very little drama, and the drama that presents itself usually happens when I am far away and the holidays are over. That whole scene where the entire family has a meltdown during Christmas dinner and angry members storm out into the snow in a huff is fiction for me. No one slams down their silverware in the middle of turkey and yells, no one gets cornered in the kitchen and lectured, no one is made to cry over their eggnog, none of that.

My holidays are filled with kind words and love. Like I said, I'm lucky.

I'm lucky because I have a support system as long as I have ties to my kin. My family is always there when I'm having a hard time. If I need help, they're there to assist me. If I need to talk, they're there to listen. If I'm confused, they're there to help me make sense of it all. If I'm sad, they cheer me up. If I'm angry, they calm me down.

That's not to say we don't have our differences by any means. I'm very different than most of the members of my family. I'm not a christian, I'm not a republican, I'm not straight, I'm not monogamous, and I'm not "Lawful-Good" by any stretch of the imagination. "But where there's love, dear, those are the ties that bind." And that's really the point of it all. I know that whatever happens, there will always be love. And that's a good thing to know.

The wrong things WERE important...

And now it's nearly a year later.

I've always been a terrible blogger, but if you read this, you know that already.

So, what's changed...

I ended up in San Francisco. I'm living with the first boyfriend I've had since High School and another guy who's turned out to be an awesome friend. I have 2 other women I'm dating as well. I had a job at Minted as a Print Quality Specialist. But it was only a seasonal contract. I'm unemployed and trying to hang onto my sanity while looking for work and not being able to do much else due to financial constraints.

That's the abridged version of the story.

This blog is going to be taking a new direction. I'm not sure where yet.

There is so much going on in my life that has absolutely nothing to do with art or design that I think this blog will have to be... Just more.

I tried really hard to keep this blog professional, but I think the time for that is over. What good is a symphony if it's only made of violins?

So on to the wonderful timbre of the other myriad instruments.

Stay tuned.

6 or so months pass...

...and nothing much has changed.

Here's a business card and alternate logo I made for 34 Electric and Communications in Flagstaff.

I'll be posting one image per day for the next couple weeks. Each image comes from the span of time that I have been employed at The Print Raven in Flagstaff.

6 months from now, I will be living somewhere else! I've decided that it is time to take my leave of this stifling small town, and actually get paid for my expertise at a more professional organization. I have had a good time up here, met many good friends and had many good times, especially the circus related ones. But it's time to move on. I am growing to hate this place, and that isn't what I want.

Ram Dass is my new guru. If you haven't heard of/listened to him, you ought to. His name was Richard Alpert before his awakening. He is in his 80's now. And my new goal in life is to meet him before he dies. He has beautiful thoughts. And an equally beautiful smile.

Speaking of goals, it's time for new years resolutions! Which I hate. So I've decided to have new year's guidelines instead:

Yoga regularly.

Begin juicing.

Eat more raw foods, veges, salad, fruits, smoothies.

Eat REAL breakfasts in the morning. (By real I mean see above and quit the mini doughnut and mountain dew combo I've been living on for a YEAR almost...)

Control blood sugars. (The docs tell me it will help my joint problems among other things.)

Regular meditation.

More sitting in the sun.

Control inflammatory pain.

More art for me.

Art as activism.

More poetry.

Better general hygene (eew, I know...)

"Be the lover you desire" and then start looking.

All easy guidelines to stick to.

My first plan for moving away is to move to Eugene, OR with my friend Natasha. The second plan is to just apply for jobs in whatever city I feel like going to and see what turns out. I definately need a job before I do any moving. Work cut me to part time, so now I have next to no income. And jobs in Flagstaff are hard to find unless you want to work food or retail. But even then...

I will, however be doing some figure modeling at NAU in February and March. Putting just a little bit of cold hard evil into my savings account for the move.

One last thing, I'm pretty sure I'm an anarchist. I'm also pretty sure I'm a communist. But I'm pretty sure I'm not an anarcho-communist. That community has a tendency toward violence and disrespect that I am not angry enough to get behind yet. I mean, sorry black bloc, but I don't have to believe in private property to respect it or accept people's addiction to it. Breaking windows only demonstrates your anger, it doesn't really make any kind of point beyond that.

Actually, that's not the last thing. The last thing is a "big think" (read The Island of Dr. Moreau). I'm an adult. I can make my life be whatever I want it to be. When I was younger, I used to get discouraged about being stuck in a rut and not being able to change anything. Now, I am seeing that it just takes a little more time than I want it to, and that is the source of my frustration. But, the time is necessary. Time presents the opportunity to grow, plan, change without growing pains, and make easy transitions. One of the things that I will take away from my time in Flagstaff is the ability to appreciate the baby steps in the process to bettering oneself. I have changed a lot since I've been here, and it has been too slow to account for all at once. But looking back on the last 2 years, I can see the progression. And only now does it all begin to make sense and fit together. Patience, as it turns out, is less of a virtue and more of a necessity. People only say it is a virtue because they are victims of their culture, too ADD to sit and wait, contentedly, for an outcome. Maybe patience should be on my list of new year's guidelines.

The end. For now.

Update

Finished the first knitting project I ever started. It's a short scarf with yellow buttons. : )

I've been out of the neck brace since the 10th. And it's been SO nice. I'm recovering quickly and have lost a bit of strength and muscle, but there hasn't been much pain aside from stiffness.

I begin work again full time next week. Yay paycheck!

I've made a rag tag list of resolutions to guide me through my next year. Very few are physical goals, but I can make those once my body is in working condition again.

Read 5 Classics

Read 5 books from personal library

Circus Bacchus Act Posters

Love Paintings

Kris' Angels

Elementals

Burn Unit Story and Character Sketches

Geb & Nut (legend in Burn Unit universe)

Finish 2 video games

Kitten Head Paintings

Beanie the Premie

Mittens, Chessie, Ginger, Mica

Finish Character Backgrounds

Sculpt a little

Knit a bit

Go to 2 raves

Rebuild lost strength

More trumpet

Bike (later in year)

Hip Hop Dance Class (later in year)

Save monies

A1c 8 or lower

The figure journal goes as planned. I am first deconstructing and then reconstructing the figure to relearn it. It ought to work, and it might take a while.

I've been taking a break from sketching to write! Yes! I am using my words! I'm creating a background for a character concept I thought up over St. Paddy's Day.

Consequently, I have very few words left for here.