6 or so months pass...

...and nothing much has changed.

Here's a business card and alternate logo I made for 34 Electric and Communications in Flagstaff.

I'll be posting one image per day for the next couple weeks. Each image comes from the span of time that I have been employed at The Print Raven in Flagstaff.

6 months from now, I will be living somewhere else! I've decided that it is time to take my leave of this stifling small town, and actually get paid for my expertise at a more professional organization. I have had a good time up here, met many good friends and had many good times, especially the circus related ones. But it's time to move on. I am growing to hate this place, and that isn't what I want.

Ram Dass is my new guru. If you haven't heard of/listened to him, you ought to. His name was Richard Alpert before his awakening. He is in his 80's now. And my new goal in life is to meet him before he dies. He has beautiful thoughts. And an equally beautiful smile.

Speaking of goals, it's time for new years resolutions! Which I hate. So I've decided to have new year's guidelines instead:

Yoga regularly.

Begin juicing.

Eat more raw foods, veges, salad, fruits, smoothies.

Eat REAL breakfasts in the morning. (By real I mean see above and quit the mini doughnut and mountain dew combo I've been living on for a YEAR almost...)

Control blood sugars. (The docs tell me it will help my joint problems among other things.)

Regular meditation.

More sitting in the sun.

Control inflammatory pain.

More art for me.

Art as activism.

More poetry.

Better general hygene (eew, I know...)

"Be the lover you desire" and then start looking.

All easy guidelines to stick to.

My first plan for moving away is to move to Eugene, OR with my friend Natasha. The second plan is to just apply for jobs in whatever city I feel like going to and see what turns out. I definately need a job before I do any moving. Work cut me to part time, so now I have next to no income. And jobs in Flagstaff are hard to find unless you want to work food or retail. But even then...

I will, however be doing some figure modeling at NAU in February and March. Putting just a little bit of cold hard evil into my savings account for the move.

One last thing, I'm pretty sure I'm an anarchist. I'm also pretty sure I'm a communist. But I'm pretty sure I'm not an anarcho-communist. That community has a tendency toward violence and disrespect that I am not angry enough to get behind yet. I mean, sorry black bloc, but I don't have to believe in private property to respect it or accept people's addiction to it. Breaking windows only demonstrates your anger, it doesn't really make any kind of point beyond that.

Actually, that's not the last thing. The last thing is a "big think" (read The Island of Dr. Moreau). I'm an adult. I can make my life be whatever I want it to be. When I was younger, I used to get discouraged about being stuck in a rut and not being able to change anything. Now, I am seeing that it just takes a little more time than I want it to, and that is the source of my frustration. But, the time is necessary. Time presents the opportunity to grow, plan, change without growing pains, and make easy transitions. One of the things that I will take away from my time in Flagstaff is the ability to appreciate the baby steps in the process to bettering oneself. I have changed a lot since I've been here, and it has been too slow to account for all at once. But looking back on the last 2 years, I can see the progression. And only now does it all begin to make sense and fit together. Patience, as it turns out, is less of a virtue and more of a necessity. People only say it is a virtue because they are victims of their culture, too ADD to sit and wait, contentedly, for an outcome. Maybe patience should be on my list of new year's guidelines.

The end. For now.

Reawakening

I went to San Francisco. I discovered there that I've fallen behind technology while in Flagstaff. So! There's only one thing to do. Upgrade! I've decided to give my internet presence and gadgets/technology/programs a complete overhaul in the next 2 years or so. 2 years because I think it's going to take that long to get the funds for it.

Then I'll be all set to move to the big city and have a career for a few years!

I've suddenly been thrust into this weird state of adulthood. I feel a very profound need to be a career woman, if you will. And nesting has begun. I want an earthship, off the grid, with a garden, by a river, with a dock, and a little boat, and an inner-tube tied to the dock with a rope, so I can sit in it, and not go anywhere.

I want to have a "job" where I telecommute and get to make executive decisions and control the direction my designs and art take.

I also want to cure my diabetes. And it looks like I can, if I get in on the right clinical trial. Speaking of diabetes, here's this really wicked electronic log book program for iPhone called Diabetes Buddy that has EVERYTHING I EVER wanted in a log book! I can track my sugars, insulin, exercise, and food along with other things like water consumption and BMI/weight changes, all in one program on my iPhone! The only problem is, I have a 1st gen iPhone, and the program needs the 4.0 update to run. 1st gen only supports 3.x.x. More motivation to upgrade I guess.

Exciting things! I feel like I've awakened into a new part of myself, but more on that when I post about FaeryWorlds and the rest of my trip. ; )

Update

It's finally Spring! No more snow or frosts this year. I've planted squash, beans, and carrots. We'll see how they turn out. I'm hoping to receive tomato plants from my friend Esther once they get big enough. We have mint taking over one of the planters, green onions, sage and cilantro. Good eats!

I'm gearing up for Fairyworlds in Eugene, OR. Natasha, Maria, a few others and I will be manning a booth and selling all manner of wonders and trinkets. There will be art, masks, jewelry, books, clothing and more! Fun for all!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mostly about my current direction. Circus is taking over my life and I didn't want it to, so after this performance season, I'll be scaling it back significantly. The only performing I'll be doing will be with the band. Fire up in Flagstaff is just too much of a hassle. I'll be learning some new and interesting skills like fire meteor, dart, and fire breathing/eating. And I'll be keeping up with the juggling. But just to dabble. Maybe something awesome will come out of these experiments, but I'm not banking on it. I just want to have fun with it. More trumpet, more painting, less stress, happy Kim.

I'll be celebrating my 1 year anniversary in a couple weeks. My how time flies when your in love. : )

I can't wait until my self-imposed 2 years is up on my job. I'm ready to be more creative and actually get paid real money for what I can do.

Diabetes management is improving. I discovered to my dismay that all the ratios in my insulin pump were completely off and I have been working to get things back on track. Vision is improving with my blood sugars, and I've hooked up with an excellent diabetes educator who doesn't scoff at my dreams of curing my disease or participating in clinical trials to that end. The next step is finding a like-minded endocrinologist (a requirement for most of the clinical trials). I think I may be conducting interviews for that position. I really want my new doc to be on board for curing me, not treating me. I have faith.

On the injury front, I've started light work-outs that include stretching, balance and equipment-less exercises (push-ups, crunches, pull-ups, etc.) that use my body as its own weight system. I've decided to track my progress and see how I improve month to month. Maybe I'll be a flier yet! Stretching and moving feels really good. I'm doing it right.

I'm donating a painted adirondack chair to my Mom's Soroptimist Club for a raffle in Phoenix. It's a desert-scape with prickly pear cactus. I'll be painting it today. I had another, more epic idea, but she told me to stick with something simple. Next year, I'll be painting it a Dia de los Muertos theme with a skeleton mother and a skeleton embryo and flowers and bright colors and yay!

Motorcycle, gallery showings and paintings are in the works.

End of line.

Update and Plans

So, as you've probably guessed, I've been out of the neck brace for some time now. Muscle pain is almost nonexistent and my muscles are coming back in. Poi helps a lot, but I've lost all of my strength and using my heavy practice rigs is now a workout!

Circus and band are coming right along. It appears that I've caught them at an interesting time when they're starting to be sought out for gigs and formalizing the ranks and becoming an actual performance troop. Very exciting indeed. I'm going to be in an acrobalance act, a fire breathing/eating act and a fire poi act. I've got music for most and have started choreography for none... Shows appear to be during the summer, so I have a little time.

I've also accidentally developed a sad clown character. Her name is Crispy, and she'll play with fire. Kindlin Stokes continues to be my main stage presence though.

I profoundly miss modeling. I crave the meditation time and never seem to find the time to sit for 3 hours and think, which is what that work became for me.

Spring Fever. I has it. And along with it, the desire to do a detox. I think I'll try one for 3 weeks starting in April. This time I'll take the supplements and get the body work and do the exercises and the special hygiene things (scrubs, skin-care, aromatherapy, etc.) I'll feel fabulous when I'm done. : )

I'm trying to manage my time better, it's coming along... Slowly... This is an ongoing problem that I need to address.

In art, I'm trying to make more time, and I'll be tricking out part of the garage to make a studio for painting and outside sorts of art activities. I'll probably use it as a drying room too, away from the pets.

Blood sugar control never ceases to amaze me. I've been keeping better track for a week now and I can already read street signs from the car again. The world is a lot bigger when I can see the trees on the peaks and the leaves on branches across the street. I'm also feeling a little more energetic. Not that any of this surprises me, but I think I'd like to see how far I can take it this time and actually be well for a while. I'm tired of being sick and injured.

I'm very tired today. Stayed up late to pick my sister up from the train station. Really late. I think I'll be nice to myself when I get home and take it easy.

Angst and Progress Report

So, I've been having these PTSD panic attacks while riding in cars and traveling at high velocities... I've never had this problem before and it's making me very unhappy. I'm not too sure what to do about it. And it's putting me in a rotten mood.

No more angst.

I'm getting the creativity bug again. I think it's time for some epic painting! And I found another gallery in Flagstaff where I could potentially display my work.

I'm currently reading 10 books.

I'm set up for learning fire breathing and eating as soon as it gets warm outside and the wind dies down! And I'll probably be performing it as an act in late summer! Exciting!

I'm also seeing some improvement in my blood sugars. Hopefully I'll be able to achieve my goal of a Hemoglobin 1Ac score of 8 by the end of the year.

Lastly, I landed an illustration gig yesterday! It's for a series of science oriented children's books on nature and natural forces. I'll explain more once I get more familiar with the material. : )

Update

Finished the first knitting project I ever started. It's a short scarf with yellow buttons. : )

I've been out of the neck brace since the 10th. And it's been SO nice. I'm recovering quickly and have lost a bit of strength and muscle, but there hasn't been much pain aside from stiffness.

I begin work again full time next week. Yay paycheck!

I've made a rag tag list of resolutions to guide me through my next year. Very few are physical goals, but I can make those once my body is in working condition again.

Read 5 Classics

Read 5 books from personal library

Circus Bacchus Act Posters

Love Paintings

Kris' Angels

Elementals

Burn Unit Story and Character Sketches

Geb & Nut (legend in Burn Unit universe)

Finish 2 video games

Kitten Head Paintings

Beanie the Premie

Mittens, Chessie, Ginger, Mica

Finish Character Backgrounds

Sculpt a little

Knit a bit

Go to 2 raves

Rebuild lost strength

More trumpet

Bike (later in year)

Hip Hop Dance Class (later in year)

Save monies

A1c 8 or lower

Pears and Diabetes Re-education

It's pear season! I love pears. Pears are my favorite fruit. My other favorite fruit is pineapple, but it's never really pineapple season in Northern Arizona. : )

My favorite breakfast lately is, a bread-thing (roll, croissant, etc.), a bit of cheese, and a pear! Which, I have learned, is exactly what my silly diabetic self should be having for breakfast.

Which leads into my trip to the doctor yesterday. I visited a diabetes educator at North Country Health Care and learned that they lied to me in my childhood. I had been taught many things about my condition that simply aren't true, and have never been true. First of all, the glycemic index, while an excellent tool for overall health, has absolutely no bearing on what I should be eating as a diabetic. It's good for helping me pick foods with higher fiber, but that's about it where I'm concerned.

I also learned that my impression of "simple" verses "complex" carbohydrates was fallacious and I have been tragically misinformed this whole time. These terms do not refer to the structure of the carbohydrate, as I had originally thought; they refer to the availability of said carbohydrate. An example! Carrots have very little carbohydrate value raw, they have complex (hard to extract) carbohydrates because of all the fiber, and one cup is about 5 grams of carbohydrate. But when you boil them to mush, they have simple (readily available, easy to extract) carbohydrates! And a one cup serving goes up from 5 to 15 carbs! This is why, apparently, nutritionists like to demonize carrots. But they're still very good for you, and the cruder the better. The more raw and full of fiber, the less available the carbohydrate, and the more "complex" it is.

I learned that fiber is a very useful tool for stabilizing my blood sugars. Something I had never thought of before. I learned that having balanced meals and burying very sugary foods within the whole meal is better for blood glucose stability too. So if I want a piece of cake for dessert, I should eat it in the middle of my meal to avoid a spike in my sugars! I'm for it! "Life is uncertain, eat dessert first." Or in the middle of the meal.

I also learned a bunch about starchy vegetables, which had been a big gray are for me all these 15 years. And at the end of the appointment, I was gifted with a brand new glucose meter that promises $30/100 test strips! This means I can start testing my blood glucose regularly and get rid of my inflammation problems, which may be directly related to my poor diabetes control (why didn't I think of that before?...).

Also, I would just like to say, that the doctors at North Country Health Care are wonderful people. It's been so long since I've had a medical professional treat me like a human being. They see I have no insurance and they turn up their nose and won't look me in the eye when they condescend. But at North Country, they don't do that. They treat me like a human being among human beings. It is so refreshing to have my faith restored in the humanity of health care.

On the art front, I want to explore the idea of taking a few days off of work to paint. The paintings are commissioned, and I know the pay-off will cover the lost days of work. Or maybe I should try to get myself in gear after work and just paint then... Thinking, thinking...