Things I've been thinking about...

I'm an American. As ashamed as I am of that fact sometimes, I don't know anything else. My art needs some direction, and I've been thinking I should stick with what I know. So here's some subjects I've been thinking about.

Dia de los Muertos - I've been conceptualizing a tribute project to all my dearly departed in which I will make a skull portrait of each loved one I have that has passed. And maybe make actual candy skulls to go along with them. Having lived in Tucson for 10 years, this small part of Mexican folk culture has lodged itself in my bones, and I think I would like to explore it further.

American Folklore - Paul Bunyan, Johnny Appleseed, Pecos Bill, Davy Crocket, John Henry, Calamity Jane. Those are the mainstream ones. What others? Where are all the women? Who were they before they became the stuff of legend? Frontiersmen, Cowboys, Ranchers, Lumberjacks, Hobos, Railroaders, and stage coach drivers. Why the romance? What other romantic figures didn't make it into folklore (gangsters, militiamen, other rebels)? Are there any heros that chose harmony with nature instead of overcoming it? And what about our actual historical figures? George Washington didn't want to be president, Abe Lincoln didn't want to free the slaves, Martin Luther King Jr. didn't want to be used as an advocate for lower taxes for the rich... If we were still writing folklore, who would the modern characters be?

Embryos - I need to expand this concept into the political realm. And with all the stink being made about women's reproductive rights lately, that shouldn't be hard.

Immigrants - Unless you are a native American, you're essentially an immigrant. Doesn't matter how long you've been here. Or does it? How long does it take, how many generations, for a person's blood to be tied to the land they live in? Am I an immigrant? Immigrant spawn? Or am I too a native American. The short answer is no, but what is the long answer?

Little ramblings. I feel like I need to expand myself a little in the realm of creativity. I also feel like I need to attach more meaning to my art. What is my message? I'm not sure anymore. After 2 years as a designer, I feel like I'm working for/within a system that I fundamentally disagree with on multiple levels. How do I use my skills to raise my voice within that system? And what do I have to say?

America: Whore to the World (a silly rant...)

America is being used.

The catalyst for my realization of this is the current Libya situation. Apparently, the US decided to wait on the UN to tell us that we could launch missiles at Libya. I see it differently. The UN wouldn't have approved the "no fly zone" over Libya in the first place if they weren't 100% sure we'd go in shooting as soon as they told us to. It's as if we are the pitbull that the rest of the world likes to use as a guard dog. The UN clears a path and says "America! Sic-em!" and we charge in snarling and ready to bite anyone in range of our jaws. Because clearly, every revolution, civil war, riot and social disturbance in the world is OUR BUSINESS. Clearly.

We are used as a rent-a-cop security force around the world. Our government likes it. Not too sure why. And I think the general public, being as well informed as we are because of things like the internet, is going to realize how we are being used sooner than they'd like.

Not only are we hired thugs throughout the world, we are also expected to feed the world, consume electronics and gasoline and all manner of disposable shit that the world makes for us to consume. We give and give and give money and manpower, and the world uses us like a cheap whore. And when they get tired of using us for our money and idealistic, jar-head military, they'll kick us to the curb.

Not that I consider that a bad thing. I think the US would benefit from being kicked out of the center of the world's attention. We could focus on ourselves for once; heal our sick, care for our poor, house our homeless, feed our hungry, etc. Maybe even have some riots and revolutions of our own.

If it were up to me, I'd call back ALL the troops, let the world fend for itself, feed itself, and trade with itself. I'd create jobs by creating American made goods and food in American factories and fields staffed by American citizens. Legalize drugs and profit from the revenue that the current black market creates. Socialize healthcare, food distribution and housing for those that need it. Kick our petroleum addiction and use the sun and the air and the water to provide cheap power for everyone. Focus on systematically converting our cities into environmentally friendly places to live with alturnatives to the wasteful practices we currently employ.

Think about it. How much money would we save if we pulled our troops back, stopped being antagonists, and took up a defensive, reactive strategy rather than an offensive, preemptive one? How would the world's view of us change if we stopped sticking our fingers into their business? How limitless would the possibilities be with all of the savings our country would generate by making our own stuff and not policing the world?

And, most importantly, why do we continue to allow ourselves to be taken advantage of by our government, bad decisions, and the greed of the world?

We'd go completely bankrupt if everyone we owed money to decided to cash in all at once. Japan, a single country, holds massive emergency reserve currency bills in US dollars. They are facing national crisis and could sink our economy deeper into the hole we've dug for it if they decide to cash in on those bills.

My conclusion is that we should pull in and help ourselves before we have to split the country up into pieces and give it to debtors in order to pay them off. Then we will no longer be Americans, and the dream will end having never really been realized. H.S. Thompson believed that the American dream was dead. I believe we've merely turned it into a nightmare through our irresponsible meddling. My hope is that we will wake up and be able to stop the train wreck before it happens.

The end.

I really love freedom and liberty. I wish that our government felt the same way, and lived for the will of the people, not the job security of career politicians. (But that's another rant...)

Black Friday

I hope everybody's holiday feasts were as spectacular as mine was! I judge a feast by its gravy, and let me tell you... It was divine. That's right, divine gravy. I said it. ; )

Wikipedia says that the term "Black Friday" was coined in Philadelphia in 1966, in reference to the heavy pedestrian and vehicle traffic that the city experienced as a result of the beginning of the Christmas buying season. Since then, it's become the money slinging free-for-all that we know it as today.

I first heard the term in the early 2000's from a friend that worked in a camera store in the Tucson Mall. I had known that lots of people started shopping for Christmas gifts then, but I hadn't realized that it was a national phenomenon with so much notoriety.

Further research indicated that "Black Friday" and subsequent "Cyber Monday" are local phenomenon. They have spread to other english speaking countries (Canada, England, and Australia) slowly over the course of the last couple of decades with the expansion of websites like Amazon and Apple.

A newer interpretation of the term defines it as the shopping day that puts everyones profits back "in the black".

My impressions of the holiday are far from positive. To me Black Friday is the epitome of consumer gluttony and decadence. It represents a social sickness that infects western culture. It is an orgy for big business. Sneaky corporations and producers of defective goods cheating sheep-like, lemming-consumers out of their savings, wages and assets. A couple of years ago people were killed and sustained heavy injury as a result of this ridiculous display (look here and here). Is a day of discounted shopping spree really worth human lives?

To not be robbed, to not participate in this event, is to be a rebel and an outcast. To not participate is to declare oneself "poor" and stingy. The way this is expressed can vary. I've noticed that if one does not take advantage of the sales, one is labeled a frivolous spender, because clearly, not taking advantage of sales means that one can't manage one's finances. I think people should be praised for buying gifts throughout the year, when one can afford them. Why have your budget take a giant hit for Christmas when you can easily find more meaningful presents all year long for friends and family? Why is participating in a consumer mania far more important than money management and thoughtful gift giving? I can only guess; it makes no sense to me.

Of course, for me, gift giving happens all year long. I don't confine the act to birthdays and gift-heavy holidays. Usually if I find something I like for someone, and I can afford it, I'll buy it and give it to them right away. Sometimes I have the presence of mind to check on when their birthday is or consider an upcoming holiday, but I usually forgo it in favor of not forgetting that I have bought the item. I'll call it a belated birthday gift or and early Solstice present.

If I had my way, and there was less stigma attached to the forgoing of gifts, I'd give only a couple of gifts per year. The need never strikes me to get gifts for everyone I know. I may send a card or salutation or bag of cookies, but that's usually as far as it goes. I trust my friends to know that I love them, even though I skimp on presents. I'm not stingy, but I am financially decrepit and forgetful. Luckily I surround myself with people who consider those reasons adequate excuses, and are sensitive to them.

The point is, that the act of giving is cheapened by holidays and social events of this kind. If you want to give a gift, do it! Don't worry about cost and sales and holidays and brands and trends. If you find a thoughtful trinket that you feel displays your gratitude for someone's friendship and support, get it and give it. Simply. Better yet, make it yourself! Paint a painting, knit a scarf, crochet a hat, sew a plushie, sculpt a chochkey, bind a journal, put a piece of yourself into the gifts that you give and have it be a labor of love!

Happy holidays to all. I hope your gift giving is heartfelt and genuine and filled with the affection you feel towards the receiver. Love!

Flying Forward

No, I will not settle.

No, I will not compromise my comfort, health or well-being.

No, I will not go against my morals.

No, I will not live up to your standards, only mine.

No, I will not lower my standards.

No, I will not be satisfied with your excuses for falling short of them.

No, I will never give less than my best.

Today, I'm feeling empowered and bold. There's no reason for it. I have my expectations and goals and standards. And today, I feel like molding my life to them instead of molding myself to life.

"I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise!" --Gomez Adams

I am tired of things not living up to my standards. Most of all, I'm tired of falling short of my own standards. We're all guilty of it. Whether through laziness or defeat, sometimes we all slip under par. Today, I want to pull myself back up. No more lazy, defeated backsliding. I want love, intensity and to outshine expectations so brilliantly, that no one can deny my greatness!

Maybe this all sounds convoluted and egocentric. But today, I don't care.

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light." --Dylan Thomas

Healthcare Reform

Nothing makes me feel more helpless than the issue of healthcare in America. As a person with a preexisting condition, diabetes, this issue directly impacts my life. At present, I am a healthy, talented human being who contributes to society by having a job, participating in politics, and spending what little money I have on housing and basic necessities.

I also live in poverty, dependent on the state for the basic necessities of food and medicine. If I chose to have a job that would make me enough money to bump me up a tax bracket or two, I'd lose my medical coverage and I'd be faced with a huge, new set of problems. Problems like having to fork over $700 per month in insurance costs and medical expenses in addition to paying for rent, utilities, food, and other basic needs.

If I had a "real" job that covered all of my normal expenses, it would still cost me $33 per day just to keep breathing; that's the daily cost of my medication, the means to inject it, doctor's visits, and minimal food. That's $231 per week, and $924 per month. Individual insurance doesn't help me. In fact, with an average $450/mo policy and a minimum $5,000 deductible, paying out of pocket almost SAVES me money.

I've called for policy quotes from insurance companies many times. They have a list of questions that they ask. After determining your age and sex (and whether or not you are pregnant), they ask personal questions about your medical history, "do you have or have you ever had cancer/stroke/heart attack", "do you smoke", "do you drink alcohol", etc. At about the 4th or 5th question, they ask if you have diabetes. Then the questions stop. Once you confirm that you are diabetic (or have any other kind of chronic illness that needs medication for upkeep), they give you a quote between $450 - $550/mo with a high deductible between $5,000 - $10,000/yr. Even insurance companies that claim the cheapest rates never dip below a $400 monthly cost.

With the amount of money I have to spend on medical costs, I could be renting a 3 bedroom house and a small studio space outside of that, and still have money for utilities and food. Instead, I've been reduced to poverty and food stamps by a government and country that believes that one can only be sick and alive if one is rich. The alternative is to be either sick and poor, or dead. And with the audacity that the insurance companies display in their rising rates and premiums, their opinion is obvious; the sick do not deserve to live. Hospitals and pharmicutical companies share that opinion by refusing full and adiquate treatment to the uninsured, and with the high, rising costs of medications and medical supplies.

You might be asking yourself why I don't get a job somewhere, anywhere, with health insurance. The answer is simple, I am not guaranteed any sort of coverage that way. If I cost the insurance company too much, I will be forced to pay a higher rate to keep my coverage. The insurance company can also choose to drop me and cancel my coverage or simply refuse to cover me in the first place. This is not unheard of, nor is is uncommon. In fact, insurance companies are notorious for discontinuing their coverage if a healthy client falls ill. Also, the company I work for can also choose to not cover me. This is a little less common, but if I make it more expensive for the company to cover ALL of its employees, it can happen.

Writing about this issue is hard for me. Being objective and not losing my cool and screaming obscenities is the most difficult part. I wonder, who are they to tell me that I don't deserve to keep breathing? Who are they to tell me that I am an inferior human being? Words like "liability" and "high-risk" that are used to label the sick and disabled are insulting, demeaning, and thrown around by insurance companies as if they are harmless. I've made many a phone call for quotes that has ended in tears of hurt and frustration. Their negligence and ignorance are more harmful than any healthy person can realize.

The continuation of this line of conversation goes into the topic of how healthy people simply don't understand what it is like to be sick. This is a very basic observation, but you'd be surprised at how much it clouds their judgment and impedes the progress of reform. But I digress, and I'll refrain from going any further with this line of thought.

There are so many people in America who cannot afford insurance. There are still more who can't afford the medications that they need to live. If the government were to start regulating and charging for air, we'd all be in the same boat. Fortunately for us all, that won't happen any time soon. (Could you imagine oxygen insurance?)

The point I'm trying to make is this; our current method of health care in the United States IS NOT WORKING. It needs to be reformed, rethought, and radically changed. Even if it is done by baby steps over the next 75 years, it needs to be done, and it needs to start NOW. Discrimination against pre-existing conditions must STOP. And the impersonal treatment of the sick and disabled must end.

Write your congress people, both the senate and the house need to know your thoughts and concerns. Tell the house to pass the senate's bill, even if it does not include a public option, it may just be the baby step toward reform that people like me, people like your friends and relatives, pray for with every breath, every pill, every injection.

Healthy people of the free world, unite and help the sick. We need your support for the changes that must be made. Brothers and sisters with diabetes and the host of other invisible chronic illnesses, unite for change and reform. Together, we can make a difference and make breathing easier for everyone.